im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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