I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
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