i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
