There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
