Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
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When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
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Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize