I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize