This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
