I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
29 “I’m Getting Old” Moments
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
19 Worst Song Lyrics of All Time
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been