And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.