Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver