Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life