the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
