I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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