Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
She told me I should be a condom model.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
