just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
