So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
