Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
