if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
