guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
