so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
