I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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