What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
we're so committed to being not committed
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Randomize
