can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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