it hurts more in the daytime
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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