i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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