You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
