When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
