My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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