i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
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