smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize