The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
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