well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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