weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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