How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Randomize
