Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
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