If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
