Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
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