WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
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thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
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Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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