oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
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