The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize