Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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