i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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