DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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