I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
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My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize