Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
