just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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