it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
