I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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