When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
