Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
