i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
