Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
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