I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
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