Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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