i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
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