I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
