We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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