I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
