He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Small penises have feelings too.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
