i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
The struggles of a small town man whore
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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